Healthy Enchiladas + I’m Back!

Hey guys!

We’ll it’s been a really long time since I’ve been on here. So much has happened! But really, really, really long story short – I finished IB! Then I worked at Starbucks at Universal Studios for 6 months, then I went to college at UBC, wasn’t a huge fan of my first term but LOVED my second term, finished my first year of college (studying as a B.Sc. in Food, Nutrition and Health) and now I’m on summer break! I decided to take this holiday to re-start blogging/posting recipes, and cooking. Now that I know how busy life can get in college, hopefully I’ll be able to cook and post something every now and then that doesn’t require too much time, effort or money…

Well, I’m going to start you off with something that comes from my home and my heart… Healthy Enchiladas!

FinishedEnchiladas1

These are sweet potato and black bean enchiladas. They turned out great! Although they are a bit on the denser side in terms of calories because of the sauce and perhaps too much cheese (if that is even a thing…), a single enchilada is very filling and tastes amazing!

So without much further ado..EnchiladaSauceIngredients

EnchiladasIngredients

Ingredients:

For Sauce: 

1 small can (8 oz) tomato sauce
2 tsp ground cumin
½ tsp onion powder
½ tsp garlic powder
1 cup of water (or broth)
⅛ cup canola oil
2 tbsp flour
½ tbsp chili powder (feel free to use more if you like prefer your enchiladas HOT)

For Filling:

400g cubed sweet potato (~2 medium sweet potatoes)
1 large can of whole black beans (~400g drained)
200g baby spinach (or more if you want!)

For Finishing:

12 medium-large flour tortillas
150g shredded mozzarella cheese

Instructions:
For Sauce:
1. In a medium bowl, mix the tomato sauce, cumin, onion powder, garlic powder, and water until well incorporated.
2. In a sauce pan, heat the canola oil. Carefully add in the flour (I say carefully because the flour might cause the HOT oil to splash and burn you!), and add in the chilli powder. Mix well (I used a wooden spoon to mix) until fragrant.
3. Add in the contents from the medium bowl into the sauce pan and mix well. Let it heat until it thickens into an enchilada-saucy-consistency.

For the Rest:
1. Heat skillet with a drizzle of canola or olive oil. Cover and cook sweet potato for ~10 minutes. Add in the black beans and continue cooking for 5 minutes. Lower heat.
2. Add in the spinach. Mix so that the heat begins to wilt the spinach, and you might need to add a bit of water as the filling might get a bit dry. Continue mixing until the spinach is well mixed in.
3. Split the filling into 12 equal parts, and portion each part down the diameter of a tortilla. Roll the tortilla and place on a lined/greased baking dish/tray (Ensure the end of the tortilla is on the bottom to keep them from opening!)
4. Top the stuffed tortillas with the enchilada sauce and spread evenly to cover everything!
5. Top with cheese!
6. Bake in a preheated oven (200ºC/395ºF) for 20 minutes.
7. Remove from oven and let it cool before devouring them!!

EnchiladaFillingPreBakedEnchiladas

FinisheddEnchiladas2

Yields 12 Enchiladas
Approx. Nutritional info per Enchilada:

Healthy Enchiladas Nutrition.png

Advertisements

A Post About Recovery

                     “I just can’t imagine my life without my eating disorder.”

“I feel like I’ll never get out of this endless cycle.”

“I will never recover.”

– words I’ve said to my therapist, countless times.

I have never spoken so openly about my eating disorder before on social media, and actually kept it up (not actually sure if this will stay up or not).

Neither am I going to write this post in such a way that it sounds magical, poetic, or extravagant.

No, I’m going to be real with you. As if I were talking to someone (because, in a way, I am).

Yes, I had an eating disorder.

It developed several years back, almost 3 years to be exact, but it flared up and intensified about a year and a half ago.

But I’m not here to talk to you about my eating disorder, I’m here to talk about recovery. can I safely say I’m recovered? No, I really can’t. It’s difficult to define what recovery is.

Does recovery mean when you’re weight restored? Or does recovery mean when you love yourself no matter how you look like? Or, is recovery plainly and simply… Unachievable?

Let me get this straight. Recovery is hard. There is still not a day that goes by in which I don’t beat myself up over my 10+ kg weight gain since I began treatment. There is not a day that goes by in which I don’t worry about calorie intake and calorie outtake. Granted, some days are a lot milder than others, but overall, there is still this voice in my head that tells me I’m not enough, which is why I cannot say I am recovered.

However, looking back over the past year and a half, I’m so much better. I’ve made so much progress, and that is what recovery ultimately is. A year ago, I wouldn’t have imagined I would be binge AND purge-free for so long. But hey, look at me!

Recovery does not go like this:

Enter treatment, get diagnosed, receive medication, cry, stop bad habits, voila.

NO.

Recovery goes more like this:

Get dragged into treatment, kicking and screaming, get diagnosed with something you didn’t even want to believe you had, be given medication daily to make sure you take it and swallow and not secretly keeping it in your drawer, crying almost every single night, therapy several times a month, lose your friends because you’ve got no time since you’re always seeing a doctor, cry every single morning when you wake up, slip up every few days, cry some more, slip up every few weeks, cry a lot more, gain weight, gain more weight, lose some weight, gain even more, slip up every couple months, cry some more, hate yourself, fight with the people you love, bad habits getting less often, but still occurring, hate yourself, cry a lot, bad habits becoming very rare. (lots of stuff in between). Happiness.

That’s all I can say at the moment about recovery since there is no single, definite ending to the recovery process.

What is the point of this post? I was thinking about it in the shower.

Oh yes.

Recovery is not easy. It’s difficult.

It’s hard to deal with the weight gain. It’s hard to look at old photos and see it. It’s hard to hear people talk about it behind your back. It’s hard to hear people ask you about it to your face. But, do they know? Maybe not.

I know what it was like to feel like it would never end. I remember walking one day and thinking, it’s a disease that will never leave my body. It will always consume me.

But now I know that progress in recovery is completely possible.

One thing that really keeps me going though, is my desire to be fit. I love sports. I do.

Who cares about weight gain if when you flex you have abs and popping quads?

Are you afraid of people calling you fat? Well, they can’t.

Are you afraid of calling yourself fat? Well, you can’t either because you’ve got a six pack and can squat 100kg.

I’m not defining my goal body ^ to be when I finally reach the glorious yet ambiguous title of “recovered”. But fitness is my passion and its what makes me happy. And happiness is the key. (at least, in my opinion).

So, I’m aware my blog post has absolutely no structure whatsoever, and it’s quite ramble-y and perhaps a bit too “TMI”, but what I’m trying to say is.

If you’re about to go into recovery, or struggling with it. I want you to know.

1. IT IS POSSIBLE

2. There will come a day in which you will see how far you’ve come, and you will be proud because you never thought it would happen

3. You will slip up. Many. Many. Many. Many. Many. Many. Many many many many times. And THAT’S OKAY.
You will get urges. Lots of ‘em. Plenty. But you have to fight on, and push through. Because you are more powerful than food, and you are more powerful than your disorder.

4. YOUR DISORDER DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. It doesn’t have to be part of your biography. But your fight against it can, because it means you are STRONG, and you are HOLDING ON.

5. DON’T GIVE UP. Ever. You will feel like failing. You will feel like relapsing. You will feel any and every emotion possible and sometimes even all at the same time. But don’t give up on yourself and don’t give up on the people around you, because they also want to see you better.

6. DON’T FOCUS ON THE WEIGHT GAIN. Even if it’s way higher than a “healthy BMI”, RELAX. When you have an eating disorder, your weight fluctuates a lot, and when you start recovery, maybe even more. Don’t sweat it (no pun intended). Stabilize your body weight FIRST and stabilize your eating patterns. THEN focus on healthifying your body and improving your composition… HEALTHILY!!!!!! Trust me, I know this first hand. I’ve been focused so much on my weight gain that I never even gave myself a chance to HEALTHILY lose weight – but it starts now (post on it later maybe?)

It is difficult. I know. If you need to cry, cry it out. If you need to talk, talk it out. (I am here also if you want to talk). But as number 6 said. Never, EVER, give up.

I think that’s all I need to say right now.

Hopefully it made a bit of sense.

****Side note – No. I am not here to “complain about how hard my life is” or to seek attention. I’m here to hopefully reach someone out there, struggling, and encourage them to keep on fighting for their life and health.

ITS OKAY TO FEEL BEAUTIFUL.

it is OK TO FEEL BEAUTIFUL.

Photo on 3-30-15 at 6.14 PM

the other day, i put on a dress, opened photobooth, and i smiled for the camera (or away from it). as i was trying different poses, i couldn’t help but feel conceited.

but then i realized. it’s okay to feel beautiful. there is NOTHING wrong with saying to yourself “oh i actually look quite nice”.

no one likes feeling ugly, but sadly, that’s become the “NORM”. to hate yourself, to be ashamed, to avoid looking into mirrors in fear that the reflection looking back at you is a hideous creature you call “me”.

i don’t think that i’m a particularly “pretty” person. my self esteem is honestly crap, and i hate how i look 98.7% of the time. whenever i look into the mirror, the first thing i look at are all the things i consider “ugly” on myself. i start with my legs, onto my little belly bulge, and then onto the small details of my face that barely anyone would even notice. scrutinizing every single inch of my body. sometimes i actually leave the house not knowing how i actually look like because i was too busy pinching my thighs in front of the mirror. i wish i was lying..

the sad part is… i know i’m not the only one.

but every once in a while, i take out my phone, flip the camera, get some good lighting, and smile. i look at the picture and i think to myself, hmm. not bad. display pic worthy? maybe.

AND THIS IS OKAY.

so if you feel beautiful, don’t be afraid to admit it. don’t be afraid to show everyone, because feeling beautiful SHOULD BE WHAT IS NORMAL.

do what makes you feel beautiful.

it doesn’t matter how you may think you look, it’s about feeling it that matters. so whether it is through putting make up or not, shaving your legs or having “no-shave november” in place 12 months a year… as long as you feel beautiful, don’t let it stop you.

go out there and show the world that it is okay to feel beautiful. it is okay to feel confident. it is what should be happening but sadly isn’t.

so my point is, if you feel beautiful and want to take a picture, take it.

don’t be ashamed.

it is normal.

and some more proof that it is normal to take countless selfies? #noshameintheselfie

Screenshot 2015-04-05 17.53.26

Peanut Butter-Chocolate Explosion Pancakes!

Hmmmm. Yes. Don’t we all love pancakes? I know I do!

Sadly, I haven’t eaten pancakes in a very long time, however, this morning I woke up, and I told myself…

It’s time to make my pancakes again.

So I headed over to my kitchen, looked through my ingredients, threw them into a bowl (okay, not literally), and whipped up a batch of these flat cakes of deliciousness. 

Screenshot 2014-08-31 18.14.36Ingredients: 

for pancakes:

dry:

1/2 cup flour (I used 50% oat, 50% bread flour)

2 tbsp cocoa powder 

1/2 tsp baking powder 

1/4 tsp baking soda 

wet: 

2 eggs at room temperature

1/4 cup plain yoghurt 

1/4 cup skimmed milk 

for toppings: 

2 tbsp original PB2 mixed with 1 tbsp skim milk 

2 tbsp premium chocolate PB2 mixed with 1 tbsp skim milk 

cacao nibs  

Instructions: 

1. In a large bowl, mix in all dry ingredients. Sift well. Make sure that there are no lumps. 

2. In a separate bowl, beat eggs well. Then, add yogurt and skimmed milk. 

3. Slowly add wet ingredients into dry ingredients, mixing simultaneously. 

4. Let batter sit for 5 minutes untouched. Meanwhile, grease a pan with PAM cooking spray. 

5. Once evenly heated, lower heat to medium and begin preparing pancakes. Let sit around 2.5 minutes on each side, flip over, and wait an additional 2 minutes. 

6. Prepare two different types of PB2s and top your delicious chocolate explosion pancakes. 

7. And most importantly, enjoy your delicious, healthy stack of pancakes!